


Fuzzy Mandibles

by phantomdoodler



Category: Haikyuu!!, cryptozoology - Fandom
Genre: Alcohol, Arby's, Cryptids, M/M, Mothman has no age, Other, Unspecified Ages, Xenophilia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-30
Updated: 2018-06-30
Packaged: 2019-05-31 10:08:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15117158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phantomdoodler/pseuds/phantomdoodler
Summary: Oikawa shares the tale of his encounter with the supernatural.  Iwaizumi and the team are not convinced.





	Fuzzy Mandibles

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lacksley](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lacksley/gifts).



> Prompt:  
> TIME: 3am  
> PLACE: behind the dumpster at arby's
> 
> ~~"mothman blew me at 3am behind the dumpster at arby's"~~

“I told you,” Iwaizumi said firmly as he closed his locker, “it wasn't Mothman.”

“And I told you it was,” Oikawa shot back.

“No, no. Please,” Matsukawa cut in. “Tell us what happened with Mothman.”

“Okay,” Oikawa replied, voice sinking to the conspiratorial whisper of a middle schooler telling ghost stories. “It was a little after 3am. I was cutting through the alley behind the Arby's. Mothman was there and he sucked my dick.”

Hanamaki snorted. “Wait, wait, wait, back up a second. How did we get from 'Mothman was there' to 'Mothman sucked your dick?' Is this what you always do on your way home?”

“I don't think I'm old enough for this conversation,” Kindaichi muttered.

“The details are a little fuzzy, but,”

“Because you were drunk off your ass!”

“Iwachan, please. They'll lose all respect for me.”

Matsukawa shook his head. “Don't worry, we don't respect you.”

“Here I am pouring my heart out to you and-”

“Pouring your dick out, you mean.”

“Pouring my heart out to you, and all I get is ridicule,” Oikawa sniffed in an exaggerated pout.

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes, surrendering all hope for changing the subject.

“Question.” Kunimi raised his hand. “What's a mothman?”

“Can we not drag this out...?” Kindaichi asked.

“Mothman...” Oikawa sighed wistfully. “Mothman is an American cryptid who's tall and dark and handsome and knows how to have a good time.”

Iwaizumi pinched the bridge of his nose. “Mothman isn't real.”

“Tell that to my dick, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa said with an almost angelic smile. “Mothman sucked this dick. I'm a part of history. The next frontier of discovery.”

“Do moths have mouths?” Yahaba asked. “I thought they only ate as caterpillars and then died of starvation.”

“What? That's fucked up, man.” Matsukawa shook his head. “Is that how you got him to blow you? He was dying of hunger and you fed him your dick? That's cold, even for you.”

“First of all,” Oikawa said, “Mothman definitely has a mouth. Second of all, he propositioned me.”

“I dunno, I might be with Iwaizumi on this one.” Hanamaki crossed his arms. “I find it hard to believe that a supernatural being of incredible strength would want to fuck you of all people.”

“Of course that's the part you can't believe,” Iwaizumi sighed.

Oikawa scoffed. “For your information, Mothman said I was the sweetest piece of ass he'd ever seen and that he couldn't wait to have a bite.”

“Oh my god,” Iwaizumi groaned. “It wasn't fucking Mothman. There are like three homeless guys who sleep back there.”

“Oh, they were there too. Had quite the show, I imagine.”

“So how was it?” Hanamaki leaned in. “Was it good? Did you return the favor?”

“Oh, that I could have.” Oikawa shook his head. “But after he turned me to putty under his fuzzy mandibles I barely had a moment to collect myself before he leapt into the air and flew into the night.”

Hanamaki nodded gravely. “Just like Casablanca.”

“Next time, I'll be ready, though.”

Iwaizumi took a deep breath. “Please don't tell me that means what I think it means.

“Oh yes,” Oikawa nodded.

“Oh no.”

“I'm going back with a camera and I'm going to fuck the Mothman.”

“Oh my god, I gotta see this,” Matsukawa laughed. “Oikawa's gonna fuck a moth.”

Hanamaki smacked Oikawa on the back. “Atta boy! Get that moth dick.”

“Can I come?”

“Do you think Mothman would do me?”

“Let's meet up and get some curly fries.”

“I'd fuck Mothman.”

“I wanna fuck Mothman.”

“Nobody is fucking Mothman!” Iwaizumi bellowed, a sudden silence falling over the room.

He should have known better than to have thought they'd listen to him. It wasn't until the firm hand grasped his shoulder that he turned around to find himself eye to eye with their coach.


End file.
